you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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