was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
