Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
