Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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