i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there was a trapeze. enough said
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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