Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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