fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
