watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You were trust falling into bushes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
