He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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