new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have started to decorate penises.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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