OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
