I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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