He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
