Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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