I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
