so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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