He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
