I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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