I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
