VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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