she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
