Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
