Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
