direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
