If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
