i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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