Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
