i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
