hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
