If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
