made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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