I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
