and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize