I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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