Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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