looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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