I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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