My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
