This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
