so explain again why im purple
no
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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