I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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