these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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