You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
