We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
