We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
