I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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