I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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