The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
