Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
