Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
