I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
