If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
