There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
