When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
