I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
