bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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