I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
