go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
