where am i from again
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
