you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
