At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
