I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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