"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
