do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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