last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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