She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
