That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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