How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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