i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
