he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
