k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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