Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
