what day is it and did you see me today?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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