"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
