Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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