Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize