this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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