DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
