That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
