You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
