genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
