My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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